Attachment Parenting

The Truth About Elimination Communication

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by Sheryl Lyon

When you first heard about diaper free babies, what was your reaction? Surprise? Disbelief? Jealousy? Annoyed that this was the first time you were hearing about it? Maybe this is the first time you have heard of a diaper free baby. If so, trust me, it is a very real, very natural, very healthy and very eco-friendly alternative to both cloth and disposable diapers.

What is elimination communication?
Elimination communication is the term that most people use to refer to the practice of raising a diaper free baby. Elimination communication (EC) is based on respect for your baby. If you had an elderly parent in a nursing home, wouldn’t you prefer staff that would assist them to the toilet a few times during the day to avoid having them wear diapers or sit in their own waste? Maybe its better to image yourself in a tragic accident where you were the one that needed assistance. What would you prefer?

Advocates of EC realize that babies prefer to use a proper receptacle, are able to hold it and they are able to communicate the need to “go”. Additionally, newborn babies will respond to verbal cues to “go” when they are held in a semi squat position over a receptacle. If you have a baby who is less than six months old, try it! Hold your bare bottomed baby with her back to you and support her thighs with your hands. Hold her over a bowl, sink or even the grass and make a “psssssssss” sound. My daughter peed the very first time I tried it, much to my amazement and delight.

More importantly than the baby’s ability to participate, is the parent’s role because babies obviously lack the motor skills to walk themselves to the bathroom and get undressed and dressed until they are at least a year or two old. The EC parent’s job centers around timing, observation, commitment and consistency.

By and large, babies cannot eliminate just because you want them to (any more than you can) but they do have to go at certain times of the day (just like you do) so an EC parent will take advantage of this. The most obvious time to potty your baby is immediately upon waking. That is timing, not observation. Everybody has to pee when they wake up, including babies, so give them a chance to go in a potty or toilet immediately. You can practice this step from birth, even if that is as far as you ever take EC. You will save yourself one diaper and your baby will know what the toilet is used for from the get go.

EC parents observe their babies need to go by learning their babies unique squirms, grunts and other obvious signs of discomfort. Many babies need to go during breastfeeding or just after eating. You simply learn to recognize the signals, take a break and place your baby on a potty or over the toilet and then resume feeding.

EC is absolutely wonderful for you, your baby, your wallet and the environment. It is a big commitment however. I believe this is where most parents throw in the towel and go back to full time diapers for a few years. There are a few important points to consider when choosing to go diaper free.

You cannot ignore your baby
That may sound ridiculous but it is actually fundamental to elimination communication. If you child is trying to tell you something, you have to stop, listen and respond. Period. If you are more interested in your own needs, conversations and interests to stop for a moment and focus on your child then perhaps your child belongs in diapers. All the products that are designed to hold our babies so we don’t have to, such as swings, playpens, bouncy seats and strollers allow you to safely “ignore” your baby while you are on the phone, watching TV or doing laundry. You have to be in the moment and ready to respond to your baby for EC to work.

This does not mean that you have to hold your baby 24-7 or that you cannot have a conversation with a friend. You can do anything you feel like as long as you stop for a moment and pay attention when your baby is trying to tell you something.

You have to wear your baby
The more you wear your baby, the more successful you will be at elimination communication. Wearing your baby (as opposed to using strollers, swings, playpens etc) allows you to not only feel your baby’s telltale elimination signals, but also allows for easier verbal and non verbal communication because your baby is looking you in the face. Babywearing also makes it much more difficult to ignore your baby than if he was in a playpen across the room.

You have to breastfeed
OK - you don’t have to breastfeed but you do have to hold your baby during feedings. Feeding is a prime time for elimination and a baby holding his own bottle is going to go on his own too. As your child gets older and can verbalize or sign his need to go, then you can distance yourself as you like during feedings. Some parents prefer to skip the high chair and teach manners and etiquette from the beginning by letting their little ones eat on their laps. Lap eating also allows you to feel the “certain squirms” as they happen.

You have to cosleep with a potty handy
Babies go a lot and they go around the clock. Elimination communication is a 24 hour proposition just like parenting is. You may be surprised at how early your baby stays dry through the night, but before that happens, be prepared to potty your baby at the same time as those middle of the night feedings. Some parents only EC during they day because they are not willing to cosleep with their children. There is no way to feel that “certain squirm” if your baby is in a crib in the next room and not lying in your arms. You may also be surprised at how many night wakings are to eliminate and not to eat (like you always thought).

Cosleeping or utilizing a family bed, is the most convenient way to feed and potty your baby in the middle of the night. Many ECers feel that cosleeping is the only way for elimination communication to work at night. Cosleeping parents generally breastfeed and will be snuggled up with their babies anyway.

When your baby has to go, simply sit up and hold your baby on or over a potty or bowl that you keep next to the bed. It is surprisingly easy to do without even a hint of light. Keeping night-time dark and staying in bed is an excellent way to stay well rested, maintain melatonin levels and avoid postpartum depression.

Clothes become a problem
This is a very unfortunate aspect of EC. Baby and toddler clothes are cut for diapers. The older the child, the bigger the cut, to allow for a big, heavy, full diaper. A clean diaper takes up a lot of space and a full diaper takes up a ton of space. When you put these “cut for diaper” jeans, skirts and pants on a baby or toddler who is wearing normal underwear, they literally fall off in some cases.

My daughter’s butt crack has been the center of jokes for some less than dignified family members since before she could walk, because jeans and pants simply do not stay up and onesies are not EC friendly. (Imagine trying to undue a onesie on yourself when you really have to go.)

You may be able to find some foreign brands of pants that have a slimmer cut but you will probably have to do some searching and trial and error. Girls can wear dresses and leggings and both sexes can go naked with baby leg warmers while at home. You will probably find that nudity is the easiest and best option and your baby will certainly like it better too.

People might hate you
Many aspects of parenting seem to be a competition that you don’t want to be a part of. It starts with the due date, birth weight, Apgar scores, percentiles and milestones and ends about the time your baby graduates college and gets married.

Parents who potty train their children at 3 or 4 years of age may get testy, judgmental, insulting and defensive about your choice to have a diaper free baby. Clearly they have “lost the competition” if your baby is out of diapers by 6 months or never wore them at all.

Making the right choices for your baby, such as not allowing them to sit in their own urine or feces or feeding them vegetables from the beginning will often highlight other parent’s own insecurities and feelings of inadequacies. Try not to brag and keep it down low because making other people feel bad is not a tenet of attachment parenting.

Buy the Baby Bjorn Little Potty
Buy the book: Diaper Free Baby

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